Shannon's Goodbye
by rememberese
Summary: You are the only person that put me first. I manipulated you because of it. I knew you would always be there because that's the kind of person you are. They weren't kidding when they said that nice guys finish last.


My hands were on his shoulders and I just kept shaking. Come back. Please. I'm sorry for everything, just come fucking back. My face was raw from crying and my arms were covered in his blood. 

"Shannon...Shannon," Jack said as he put his gently hand on my shoulder. "He's gone."

That was it for me. I stood up, sobbing and ready to attack.

"This is all your fault, Locke. You tore us apart all so you could have a little sidekick to do all your dirty work. We were doing fine. Protecting each other. And you just fucked it all up. You killed my brother. This is your fault." 

As I yelled, I walked closer and closer to him. What could I do? There was nothing. I felt another hand on my shoulder, but this time it wasn't Jack. 

"Jack, Locke, Everyone, why don't we give her a chance to say good-bye? Please," Sayid said and our eyes met. This is what I'd gotten. Boone's death was the price I had to pay...for this. 

They cleared out because Sayid was the sane one. The island was full of leaders, but Sayid was the only one with a good head on his shoulders. That was what was so comforting about being with him. I thought he could protect me in ways that Boone couldn't. 

Boone was on the ground across piles of blankets. His eyes were closed, and despite the bloodied body, he looked at peace. It didn't make it hurt any less. It didn't make me cry any less. And it certainly didn't make me any less angry.

I collapsed next to him, putting his hand in mine. My tears fell on his face, and I used my free hand to wipe them off. Taking a deep breath, I knew this was it.

"Boone. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that you can't come back. I'm sorry that the last couple of weeks...we lost each other. I'm sorry I couldn't be a better sister. I'm sorry for all of the times I lied to you. For making you come all the way out to Australia. All because of my greed. All because of my stupid fucking jealousy. 

I know it doesn't matter, but I didn't mean for things to be like this. My entire life you've been the one who was there for me. You are the only person whoever put me first. I knew that, and I manipulated you because of it. I knew you would always be there because that's the kind of person you are. They weren't kidding when they said that nice guys finish last. 

Nice doesn't even begin to describe you though. Loyal. Too fucking loyal for your own good. You stuck by me through everything. Even after you found out about the lies. About the deceit. About everything. You were still there. I yelled at you. I picked on you. I manipulated you. But you still stood there. At first, I thought it was because you were in love with me, but now I know that it was just the type of guy you are. You did it for Locke, too. I wish you hadn't.

I know you blame yourself for a lot of things. I wish you knew that none of it was your fault. Our family was different. As much as we both hated it sometimes, we still had each other. Theresa...that wasn't your fault, Boone. You were a kid. Kid's make mistakes. I'm sorry that you've carried that burden around. 

When I touched you that night, it wasn't because I felt bad. It wasn't because I felt that I owed you. It was because I wanted to. I knew how long you had been waiting for it, and for once in my life I wanted to make you happy, instead of fucking things up. It wasn't about pity, I liked you too. You protected me. Older brother Boone to the rescue. Even when I messed things up beyond belief you protected me. I love for that. I always will.

I don't know how I am going to do this without you. I'm sorry I ever got involved with Sayid. We're family, as dysfunctional as we are, I shouldn't have let you drift from me. Because now I realize that we needed each other. As much as we both pushed, we needed each other. 

It's been weeks, but sometimes I wake up thinking that this entire island was a big dream. When I feel the sand between my fingers, I realize that this is my life now. This island. I could do it with you. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it without. 

I was never good at good-byes. You know that, right? I'm the kind of girl who just leaves. No big deals are made out of it. Didn't even go to my own high school graduation. So, this isn't a good-bye, Boone. I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you are going to a better place. That you don't have to suffer here anymore. I hope that you find happiness in where ever you are now. I know it never seemed like it while you were here, but I want you to be happy. Thank you, Boone. For everything you taught me. For every time you chased after me. For every fucking time you bailed me out. I wish I could have been better to you. I love you, Boone. It won't be the same without you. Visit me in my dreams. Let me know that you are okay. You are my hero, Boone. I'll never forget that.

La mer, A bercé mon coeur pour la vie."


End file.
